I don’t usually tell my clients what to do. That is not my approach to therapy. I focus on holding a safe space for them, meeting them where they are and helping them become more aware and conscious of where they have been, where they are now, and where they want to go. Together, we explore choices that enhance their health, relationships, and overall wellbeing.

There are, however, rare moments when I tell a client exactly what I think they need to do.

When I see a client repeatedly choosing an abusive partner and returning to a relationship that is clearly harming them, I may say, without hesitation, “Run.”

When a client tells me they feel only “30%” satisfied with their job and have been unhappy for years, I might say, “It may be time to leave.”

Why? Because life is too precious to spend years in a violent relationship or in a life situation that leaves us deeply dissatisfied. When one area of our lives becomes dysfunctional, the effects can spread into our relationships, physical health, emotional wellbeing and sense of self.

Our time here is limited. We cannot give up on this imperfect yet beautiful and precious life. It is time to remember our fundamental right to happiness as well.

The best thing that ever happened to me

Dr. Gabor Mate, who had worked in palliative care for years, once shared that he often heard from patients who described their cancer diagnosis being “the best thing ever happened” to them, because “finally” they were able to listen to their body, reconsider their priorities, and care for themselves for the first time in their lives. This story resonates with the observations of an Australian nurse, Bronnie Ware, who spent years caring for people near the end of their lives. 

The five regrets of the dying

In her book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” Ware describes the regrets she heard repeatedly. Her observations invite us to reflect on the life worth living. Among the regrets she identified were these:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I often see clients who have lived for others, with “shoulds,” putting others’ needs ahead of them, those words of self-care, self-love feeling almost foreign, and their daily struggle with saying no and compulsive people pleasing.

Discussion on living with authenticity is essential for their need for self-respect and healthy way of living.

2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

Most people do not regret that they failed to work enough. Instead, many regret giving too much of their lives to work.

In therapy, I often talk about the importance of balance and moderation. Life rarely works well at either extreme — too much or too little. We need room for work, rest, relationships, play, solitude and simply being.

3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

We need to get to know who we are, show up and share what is alive in us. Your existence matters and your voice is important. Sometimes we silence our true feelings because we fear hurting someone else. We may believe that keeping quiet will protect a relationship. But repeatedly putting our authentic feelings aside can gradually create distance — not only from others, but from ourselves.

Expressing ourselves with honesty gives another person the opportunity to truly know us, which can lead to genuine connection.

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

As we move through adulthood, our priorities change. Work, marriage, children, aging parents and countless responsibilities can gradually push friendships to the side. Loneliness and social disconnection can deeply affect our emotional and physical well-being. We are not meant to navigate life entirely alone. We need each other.

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

People often forget happiness is a choice. Life rarely becomes completely free of difficulties, containing uncertainty, loss, disappointment and change. Happiness does not mean that nothing painful is happening. It can mean allowing ourselves to notice what is still good, beautiful, meaningful and alive — even in the midst of challenges. We can practice choosing what we want to give our attention to — gratitude.

Your one wild and precious life

The poet Mary Oliver reminds us of the importance of our need to live our own precious lives. In her beloved poem, “The Summer Day,” she asks, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” 

This beautiful fall, we can take a moment and ask ourselves the same question.

What do you want to do with your one wild and precious life?

If you knew you had only one year left, what might you regret not doing? What would you stop doing? What choices would you make to listen, to dream, to love and to honor yourself?

You can simply pause, take a couple of conscious breaths, and listen to what is alive within you. Then take one small, courageous step toward life that feels more aligned with who you truly are.

Take away to-dos

Check in on family and friends, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

The Wyoming Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text at 988 at any time.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI.)