One of the hardest things for many people is managing strong emotions. They admit anger issues, their tendency to “react,” or struggling with a loved one’s “temper,” feeling like “walking on eggshells.” These emotional difficulties can lead to conflicts in relationships, difficulties at work and general discomfort in everyday life.

As humans, we can't simply repress our emotions and hope they disappear. Emotions need to be felt, expressed and released for our mental and physical well-being. Ignoring or suppressing them can result in anxiety, depression, stress, headaches, high blood pressure and even more serious health conditions.

Creating safe spaces for emotional expression

How safe do you feel with your emotions? 

We need to feel “safe” to show up with our genuine emotions. Creating safe spaces is crucial, whether with trusted friends, family or professionals, which can facilitate the release of pent-up emotions and promote healing.

Emotions: teachers, alarms and energy

Experts have different ways of explaining emotions. Dr. Gabor Mate, a well-known physician, views emotions as “teachers,” providing insights into us, others and our surroundings. He encourages us to be curious about what each emotion can teach us. Dr. Russell Kennedy describes emotions as “alarms,” signaling potential harm. However, he warns about “false alarms” triggered by past negative experiences, which can cause anxiety or fear even when there’s no present danger.

Dr. Joe Dispenza explains emotions as "energy in motion," while Dr. Rachel Allyn suggests they provide “real-time data” from our bodies, guiding us to maintain balance and health. Understanding and regulating emotions can help us remain calm, grounded and better equipped to face life’s challenges.

Children’s need for emotional authenticity

How comfortable are you with feeling and expressing emotions? Many adults find this difficult because emotional regulation requires maturity and practice. Children often struggle even more, particularly in stressful situations like parental conflict or household tension. When their need for safety is threatened, children may feel anxious, worried or fearful, emotions that they find confusing and challenging to manage. 

Children often see their emotions as a reflection of who they are. If they are stressed, they may develop coping mechanisms — like shutting down, distracting themselves or becoming overly compliant. While these strategies might offer immediate relief, they can become dysfunctional patterns in adulthood. Thus, it's important for caregivers, especially parents, to recognize these behaviors and help children manage their emotions in healthy ways.

Repression and depression

When children feel unsafe or are unable to express what is alive in them, they may suppress those emotions. Over time, this can contribute to what Eckhart Tolle describes as the “pain-body,” a collection of unresolved emotional pains that might manifest as depression, anxiety or other mental health issues later in life. Keeping emotions bottled up can harm both the mind and body, making it vital to encourage open conversations about feelings.

Children need to feel safe expressing their feelings. When they learn that these uncomfortable weird feelings are not about them, and temporary, they can let go of them more easily and go back to play again — being a kid, precious moments for their healthy growth.

The impact of parents' emotional state on children

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in child development, says, “The caregiver’s emotional state is the child’s physiology.” This means that children are deeply affected by their parents' emotional health. Even if young children can’t put their feelings into words, they know when something’s wrong, because their brilliant body senses them all very well. If parents are stressed, children often feel stressed, too. For the healthy development of children, parents need to take care of their emotional well-being.

Dr. Maté's book, “The Myth of Normal,” explains how modern life, filled with pressure, stress and confusion, makes it challenging for both parents and children to maintain emotional balance. He points out what’s behind “The Normal” in the modern world where we lose meaning and purpose of life in the sea of social media, internet and constant information overload. When parents struggle with these pressures, their children feel it, potentially affecting their growth and development.

Navigating your emotional universe

Dr. Alan Watkins offers a unique perspective by likening emotions to different "planets" we can visit. He proposes that our emotional state is like an "emotional universe" with thousands of potential experiences. According to his research on emotions, we have 3,400 emotions. If you find yourself stuck on a “sad planet,” you have the power to move to a more positive place, like the “joyful planet.” He challenges us to ask, “What planet would I like to be on?”

Understanding these emotional landscapes and the fluid nature of emotions allow us navigate toward healthier emotional states. The next time you feel overwhelmed, consider what emotional state you want to inhabit — joy, freedom, peace or love. Remember, “misery is optional.” You have the power to choose and cultivate the emotions that can transform your life.

(Myoung Shin Hilson is a psychotherapist and part of Park County NAMI)