Doug Blough

I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore! I don’t ask much out of life — a little golf, a lot of TV, 11 hours of sleep nightly, and as recently chronicled, my daily Jumbles and crossword puzzles in the Billings Gazette. As ZZ-Top sang so eloquently, “I ain’t askin’ for much.”

Enter Gazette reporter Steve Kiggins cheerily touting the new, improved comics page in a front page proclamation. Apparently there will be additional, classic comics like Blondie and Beetle Bailey, along with some new puzzles. “What could go wrong with new and improved,” I thought, but then my brain was seized by dread, thinking, “They better not have messed with my beloved crossword puzzles!” So with anxious trepidation, I greedily went first to the comics page as always, and promptly bellowed, “Hey, where in the Sam Hill is the Jumbles?!!”

Moving on to the crossword, I see this tiny little puzzle with big ol; answer blocks, the longest ones being five letters, with challenging clues like, “Animal that purrs.” Hmmm; could it be …“cat?” I was literally paralyzed with ire. In place of my cherished Jumbles is a ridiculous little puzzle called “Wuzzles.” Like being set up with a homely girl after a painful, long-term relationship loss, I had no interest.

I needed a venue for my seething rage and began an email to Mr. Kiggins, if that is his real name. First I introduced myself, mentioning I was a columnist for 30-plus years so as not to come off as some journalism-ignorant rube. And so I began ...

“Dear Kiggins; I buy the Gazette every day, mainly for my crossword puzzle addiction, and  was glad to see the notice about the new comics setup, but then worried my cherished crossword puzzles could be compromised. I immediately went to the Saturday puzzle — normally my favorite and hardest of the week — and noticed it smaller and clearly different. I was angered to find it ridiculously simple, I can’t imagine I’m the only one upset about the dumbed-down version.

“Then I found Sunday’s puzzle is also for dummies. Saturday is apparently for grade-schoolers and Sunday for junior high. You just took all the fun challenge out of it and if it continues, I will no longer buy the Gazette, and I’ll definitely write a column about this blatant thievery.

“PS: My second favorite feature is the daily Jumble and what do ya know, it’s no longer there, adding to my fury … Newspapers are in trouble and this is another reason why!”

As the days went by and it became apparent this was the new normal, I sent ol’ Steve my second installment, smacking of sarcasm. “In today’s top headline: GAZETTE RUINS COMICS PAGE — In a disturbing development, the Billings Gazette has replaced its funniest comics, Pearls Before Swine, Pickles and Close to Home with stale older ones by dead authors. In another move sure to chase away subscribers, the Gazette has done away with the Daily Jumble and replaced the challenging crossword puzzle with a shortened, juvenile version. Said one heartbroken customer, ‘They have absolutely ruined the one page I buy the paper for. It’s a sad day for the newspaper industry!’”

Granted, it wasn’t eloquent, but few angry diatribes are. I spoke my peace and extend no apologies. Heck, our Powell Trib is only a semi-weekly, yet have no problem offering up a challenging crossword puzzle and Jumbles every Thursday, so short of the Bonners buying the Gazette to restore quality, that’s all I’ve got.

If you too, are enraged by this highway robbery, please let Kiggins know with a scathing letter to “steve.kiggins@lee.net.” Even his weird email address irritates me! YOU’VE MESSED WITH THE WRONG GUY, BILLINGS GAZETTE!!!