Trena Eiden

Last spring, on a particularly cold day, an 8-year-old little girl I know from church was at the library wearing a T-shirt and shorts. I commented, “Brrr, it’s cold and look at you.” She grimaced and pretended to shiver then replied, (and I quote) “Yes, and really, I am regretting my decision.” That’s a girl. An 8-year-old boy would have said, “What? I’m hot.”

We’re at that time of year when some mothers are breathing a sigh of relief while others are grief stricken. It’s back to school for some youth and on to college for others, and that’s what prompts a sad heart for a parent. When each child leaves for college, it changes the dynamics of the family, and when the last one departs, it’s said, the empty nest is a cold wind of change. Take heart, you’re sadder than they are and you’re a lot more worried than they are because frankly, they’re not worried. That is, until their first test, and once they see the professors grading scale and get eyes on the quiz questions, then they break a sweat. Then girls worry a little less about their hair and boys worry a little less about girls. 

A few weeks into his university stay, we had a son call home to complain how hard his classes were and how time-consuming studying was. I wasn’t having it. I replied, “Oh honey, you know, I didn’t go to college so I couldn’t even comprehend the stress you’re under. But you know what, I could go to college now, by just coming to you, maybe rent a little apartment and help you study and see if I can make it less difficult for you. I could go to the library with you and you could read to me out of your textbooks, and I’d bring treats for everyone and even help you make new friends.” Amazingly enough, he did not want me to do any such things. He graduated with two degrees, so he did alright. 

One evening when all of our kids were teenagers, we were sitting around the dining table and I told them, “Studies show there are four things to do to be successful: 1. Graduate from high school. 2. Don’t have a baby out of wedlock. 3. Get a job. 4. When you marry stay married, and I’m going to add, finish college or trade school, so that’s 5.” Our cheeky number two son, side-eyed me and said wryly, “What about if we don’t get married?” Gar answered, “Well, that’s a good question, and one you’ll have to decide for yourself. Do you want to be married or happy?” The offspring guffawed. I rolled my eyes. I get no respect. 

A few years ago, when our twin granddaughters were small, we were visiting them in Texas. After school one day they asked if we could go for a walk? I said we sure could, then:

Twins: Can we take the dogs? Me: No. Twins: Can we take stuffed animals? Me: No. Twins: Can we take our scooters? Me: No. Twins: What if our legs get tired? Me: Look, you’re 7 and I’m old, if anybody’s legs get tired, it’ll be mine, your legs are young. Twins: Your legs are big. We walked with my big legs and no scooters. 

I’m gonna admit I’m old and judgy. Last spring I stopped at a nursery on my way home from work. The high school girl at the gate, dressed in denim bibs was standing just inside the opening with her hand resting on the vegetable sign. Walking by, I remarked that everything was beautiful and smelled lovely. She looked at me with disdain and gave an indifferent shrug. I thought, “What a grim-faced greeter to meet the public.” I shopped, bought some flowers and dirt and watched a woman about my age and half my weight, throw the bags of soil in the truck like they were 5-pound sacks of sugar. She was sweet and knowledgeable and told me a couple things to save money.

We laughed and had a great transaction, then I mentioned the sullen front-end staff/youngster at the entrance not being very friendly. Puzzled, she replied, “We don’t have any young people working here.” She jumped up on the back of the truck to see across the lot, recognized the girl, then chuckled, “You encountered a teenager waiting for her mother and she’s not thrilled with A. Being at a nursery and B. Having to wait.” Life is hard when you’re young … and you have mothers who aren’t too worried about your tragic issues.