My Lousy World

My excessive rapid-eye movement

By Doug Blough
Posted 4/16/24

I can’t believe I missed probably the most monumental of all holidays and failed to celebrate or even acknowledge it; I was just out there doing my own thing like any other day, totally …

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My Lousy World

My excessive rapid-eye movement


I can’t believe I missed probably the most monumental of all holidays and failed to celebrate or even acknowledge it; I was just out there doing my own thing like any other day, totally unaware. How dare I busy myself during my dream holiday? It’s almost sacrilegious.

In case you too, missed it on March the 15, I quote the AP, “Those walking through the milling streets of downtown Mexico City on Friday were greeted with a strange and sleepy sight. Lolling with bright blue yoga mats, face masks and travel pillows, hundreds of Mexicans laid sprawled out on the ground to take a nap. It was dubbed ‘Mass Siesta,’ in commemoration of World Sleep Day.”

Mexico was listed as the most overworked nation in a 2019 study, and last year the Mexican Congress proposed — then rejected — lowering the weekly workload from 48 hours down to 40, still too many in this reporter’s opinion. I’ve always been an avid proponent of more sleep and less work. I didn’t just get lazy overnight; I was born to snooze. I remember my buddy Sam Shields laughing in school telling everyone how he stopped at my house at about 10 a.m and asked, “Is Doug up yet?” He said my dad answered with visible disgust, “You kidding? He’s good till noon or one anyway.”

I’m still reeling from springing forward with the clocks weeks ago, even though I had nothing to get up for that next day anyway. Had I known about World Sleep Day sooner, I’d have planned accordingly and slept well into the afternoon. Of course, I normally don’t hit the sack till around two, so getting up noonish isn’t all that outrageous I guess.

I’m not big on holiday celebrations. I’ve never been president — except of the Humane Society many years ago — so don’t celebrate Presidents Day. Likewise, I don’t go overboard on Labor Day since I’ve never been pregnant. But World Sleep Day … that’s right in my wheelhouse.

I’m probably the most profound and dedicated sleeper this side of Rip Van Winkle. Sleep to me isn’t just something one does for a few hours at the end of the day. No, eggs aren’t just for breakfast anymore, and sleep isn’t just for nighttime. On the contrary, sleep works anytime night and/or day. It’s a wonderful gift God gave us and probably the most underrated treat since the Pearson Salted Nut Roll. I don’t like to brag, but sleep just comes natural for me. I could give seminars on napping.

I actually fell asleep during my first MRI, and bear in mind, I’m claustrophobic. I slept through 9/11 and had no idea we had been attacked until my nephew Jay called and woke me up late morning. My favorite animal is the cuddly sloth. When someone says “You’ll have plenty of time to sleep once you’re dead,” I reply, “I’m no procrastinator.” My initials should be REM. I’ve been declared legally dead in a few states.

It’s hard for me to fathom as a tyke, I put off going to bed as long as parentally permitted, but even then, once you got me to bed, I was in no hurry to get out of there. What’s not to like, really? When I put my phone on silence, stroke my bedtime kitty Kiki and finish my Wordle at lightning speed, I nestle my head into that plush My Pillow and let the sweet dreams begin. I can be anything my imagination so chooses. I’ve been a skillful lover and legendary, multi-sport athlete among other masterful accomplishments.

I’m still kicking myself for missing World Sleep Day, but I guarantee you that next March 15, that holiday won’t catch me napping.