My Lousy World

I’ll outdream you any old night

By Doug Blough
Posted 12/17/20

Many a night I’m reminded of the Everly Brothers singing so eloquently, “Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dreeeeam.” Gary Wright crooned it to another level with, “I …

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My Lousy World

I’ll outdream you any old night


Many a night I’m reminded of the Everly Brothers singing so eloquently, “Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dreeeeam.” Gary Wright crooned it to another level with, “I just closed my eyes again, and climbed aboard the dream weaver train. Driver, take away my worries of today and leave tomorrow behind. Oh dreeeam weaver, I believe you can get me through the night; dream weaver, I believe we can reach the morning light …”

But alas, as the Everlys concluded, “Only trouble is, gee whiz, I’m dreaming my life away.” The dream world though, really is a wonderful, magical land where one’s subconscious can produce the most vividly and visually spectacular films never imagined. I’ve always said (well, not always, but since I’ve been old enough to dwell on weird stuff) that if someone was to invent a device that plugs into one’s ear and videotapes their dreams, he’d become the richest man on earth. But if Einstein or King Solomon, who was truly a wise guy, couldn’t do it, I suppose it can’t be done.

Many years ago — I was in my 20s, so I guess I should say many, many moons ago — my brother and boss Jess and I were coming back from an out-of-town roofing job. There was a gangly, bright red-haired, Christian college kid named Dale who worked summers, snoring away in-between us.

Dale was a comical, innocent kid who worked extra hard at annoying me — almost endearingly so. I whispered to Jess, “What do you think he dreams about?” I laughed myself silly when Jess indulged me with, “I don’t know; probably that a bunch of woodpeckers are chasing him.”

Sure, dreams can be unpleasantly scary, but in most cases a magic elixir for boredom and in some cases, celibacy. I’ve become increasingly fascinated with dreams — particularly by how mine weave themselves, ultra-creatively, around whatever TV show I might be watching when I doze off. If it’s Fox News, I might be launched into an epic production featuring such notable stars as Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson and a special guest appearance by Al Simpson.

For example, once at some black-tie dinner, Hannity began chasing me around the fancy room with an ax, and Al is right on his tail trying to save me. At some point, Hannity’s late, ex-partner Alan Colmes came through the door with a menacing look, wearing a dress and pointing a rifle at Hannity (probably as he wanted to so many times in real life).

Let me reiterate, this didn’t really happen, but was a dream. I can only conjecture that Hannity’s show had come on during that evening nap, and my subconscious, knowing how I detest the man, wrapped a litany of internal emotions into one neat little package. The only way I can explain Ted Nugent’s presence where he really had no business is the fact I had been scratched by a cat earlier that day.

I’d love to be a fly on the wall of other people’s dreams to see if they have any similarity to my own. I mean, mine are lavish, intricately-woven productions, but I’m a natural dreamer anyway, and a writer with a wild, OCD imagination. Do my dreams have more depth than say, some science professor or engineer? They’d obviously embarrass me if we compared IQs, but is my bizarre mind capable of greater, more epic scenarios? Or maybe the excitement meter is directly influenced by life experiences. Does the engineer dream of random numbers and formulas dancing around with no orchestration? Maybe the staid professor’s dreams are limited to the boring old, “Good God; I’m in the middle of a lecture and I forgot to wear pants!”

When I’m not wearing pants in a dream, you can darn well bet there’s some wild story behind it. Maybe some beautiful, Bulgarian, Olympic gymnast walking away cooing, “He might be the most virile man I’ve ever met.” Of course, I’d wake up to my dog Ginger licking my face, fearing I’m having a seizure, but that has no bearing on what I’d just experienced.

I don’t know; maybe I’m just a dream snob and mine are no more exciting than anyone else’s. But I’m telling you, you oughta see some of these wild adventures. I wish I had videos to prove it.

My Lousy World