I am a psychotherapist. I love what I do. When I work with clients, I am very aware of the importance of living as who we are in the world and helping them navigate the whirlwind of life with responsibilities, duties, and demands. Today I would like to invite you to stop to breathe and walk with me when I share with you the connection between stress and authenticity and take a closer look at these essential aspects that often shape our emotional landscape.

The underlying fear behind what we do

As humans, we don’t get to repress our emotions successfully, therefore, an English psychiatrist, Henry Maudsley, beautifully describes, “The feeling that can’t find its expression in tears may cause other organs to weep.” This underlines the importance of feeling, expressing, and processing our emotions to enhance our mental health. Neglecting to do so can result in various issues, affecting us mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. 

We often do things based on fear, which our ancestors, hunter-gatherers, might have gone through daily. Modern life, as research suggests, finds us spending a significant portion of our time living under stress, which is deeply rooted in our survival instincts. Unfortunately, living in survival mode triggers a cascade of responses that shut down our immune system and elevate stress hormones. In this state of mind, appreciating life’s beauty, pausing to smell the roses, creating meaning, and sharing laughter with loved ones can become challenging.  

The pressure of performing

A major source of stress stems from trying to be someone we are not. We are living in the world of Doing, where many of us create identities based on what we do, rather than who we are. This emphasis on “doing” instead of “being” often breeds feelings of “not enough,” “insecure,” leading to significant emotional distress. As a psychotherapist, I have been witnessing the stress and pain in clients who get lost in doing and they struggle to answer the question, “Who are you as a human being, not as a human doing?” 

Living in a culture that values achievements and appearances, as seen by social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, we often lose touch with our true selves. This disconnection can give rise to emotional turmoil, insecurity, and mental health struggles like depression and anxiety. The challenge to seek external validation may even lead to a sense of living a double life — suppressing our authentic selves to fit in, and gain approval. 

Stress, adaptation and core-beliefs 

When children go through stressful situations, they often take it personally and blame themselves for any resulting turbulence from the environment. Their need to be seen, heard, and celebrated for who they are, is not being met in those moments, which is painful and a threat for their survival. This can lead to the development of coping mechanisms, while helpful in the short term, can result in long-term struggles in adulthood, such as symptoms of anxiety, panic attack, depression, ADHD, or addiction. Their view of self can be “I am not enough, I am not lovable, I am bad, or I am different.” In times of stress, we often disconnect from our true selves to survive, unconsciously distancing ourselves from authenticity and forming negative core beliefs about ourselves, and the world. The time has come for an upgrade.

Rediscovering our authentic selves

Who are we beneath the layer of societal expectations? We are “whole, complete, original, and enough” as human beings. Deep within, we are a great expression of love and life itself. Our soul and spirit, the essence of who we are, form the foundation of our existence. Our existence alone is worthy, and meaningful. We are meant to create, “divine creators,” not to repeat the cycles from the past.

In essence, stress arises from the difference between our true selves and external expectations, while authenticity is the compass guiding us back to our true nature. As we navigate the complexity of modern life, understanding and gaining insights these aspects can serve as guiding lights, steering us toward personal growth and mental well-being.

Take away to-do’s: 

Check out the NAMI National website at nami.org for signature programs, testimonials, and events. 

Check out your NAMI Wyoming website at namiwyoming.com and Facebook, for upcoming events.

Check in on a friend, who might be struggling with mental health issues.

Be willing to talk with a counselor yourself. 

Become a member of NAMI to support programming or a friend that uses our support.  

Spread the word about NAMI programs and support or contribute to this column.