Doug Blough

Sometimes I don’t feel like finishing a thought before I move on to the next. Often my attic space is so cluttered with thoughts, (and odd voices) I have no time for laborious details. So that’s what you get today — rapid-fire semi-stories you’ll wish I’d have completed …

*You’ve got to hand it to Fox News putting principle over the almighty dollar. Now that Carlson is all tuckered out, they’ve dumped their two biggest cash cows ever. How long before Tucker Carlson and Bill O’Reilly join forces to seek retribution? I predict next Jan. 6, they launch their own network and with creepy Donald Trump Jr. as a contributor and his gal toy Kimberly Gilfoyle as full-time cheerleader.

*You know you’ve become too chummy with your creator when you find yourself finishing a prayer with, “OK God; take it easy.”

*You know you love your dog too much when you’re driving in sub-zero temperatures, heater cranked up full blast and the passenger window wide open ‘cause your dog let you know in no uncertain terms she’d like to hang her head out. Ditto if your back door is open mid-winter to allow access to potty breaks, flipping the bird to the astronomical price of natural gas. Guilty on both counts.

*The latest report says the filthiest, most germ-ridden item in your kitchen is the handle end of your kitchen utensils because they seldom get washed. Big whoop! I still have fly strips hanging from my kitchen ceiling from last summer, dotted with casualties like a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.

I also heard that 100% of our cellphones are covered in fecal matter. My question is: Who cares? I’m the filthiest guy you’ll ever have the misfortune to shake hands with and I rarely get sick. My house is so unkempt, I don’t dare leave dental floss lying around the kitchen because the roaches would hang themselves. I’ve made peace with filth and truly, firmly believe cleanliness is at least 10 spots removed from godliness.

*Sure, some things make you go, “Ick!” but there are also certain things that make you involuntarily go “Awwww” and seeing a dog’s head out a car window is one of them. Why “Awww” anyway? Why that involuntary groan that comes without the least bit of conscious thought? I suppose it’s that same inborn demand that makes you go “Oof!” when you fall and land on your stomach.

*Shut up, William Devane about your Rosland Capital gold and silver investments. We get it: You’re set for life and a company is making you richer by the minute. Have a little respect for us broke people and quit grandstanding. The commercial runs about every half-hour on Fox in a continual rotational loop with big-mouth Lindell hawking his new “My Pillow 2.0” — now twice as comfortable as the original you said was the most comfortable sleep we’ll ever have. Put a sock 2.0 in it before I sneak into your bedroom and smother you with your own My Pillow.

*It’s a gamble using the suggested words your smart-ass phone throws out there. Sure, you can occasionally finish an entire sentence by clicking on them, but how much time do I lose browsing and rejecting suggestions? And auto-correct, how about you quit changing the word “were” to “we’re?” You’re not smarter than me and sometimes you embarrass the hell out of me with your busybody meddling!

*Big Al Simpson is simply my favorite person ever. Al, have I told you lately you’re the wind beneath my wings?

*I’ve been seeing Alicia Silverstone on some commercial and after all these years since “Clueless,” she’s still as gorgeous and sexy in a “still too young” kind| of way as ever. It makes you involuntarily go “Mmmm.”

Thank you. You’ve been a great crowd.