MY LOUSY WORLD: Success trumps substance

Posted 5/12/16

That’s me with Trump since Celebrity Apprentice brought us together. The man was an absolute maestro with an incredible gift of bringing otherwise decent people together, and willing them — seemingly against their nature — to viciously turn on …

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MY LOUSY WORLD: Success trumps substance

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Have you ever had one of those close friends from way back who you suddenly realize shares none of your morals? One day it dawns on you, if he wasn’t such a good friend, you wouldn’t even like the guy!

That’s me with Trump since Celebrity Apprentice brought us together. The man was an absolute maestro with an incredible gift of bringing otherwise decent people together, and willing them — seemingly against their nature — to viciously turn on each other. Who wouldn’t want to watch that?

He’s at it again, this time with his new party trying to prevent four more years of corrupt national disgrace. Only problem is: He’s a reality show genius AND a Democratic answer to prayer. But who knows; he could win.

Sure, he’s savaged everyone and everything the GOP holds dear, but it’s been brilliantly effective. The “Pubs” supposedly hate frivolous litigation tying up courts, but Trump sues at the drop of a joke. When Bill Maher questioned his birth origin while holding up a photo of an orange-faced orangutan, Donnie promptly filed a million-dollar lawsuit.

Pubs theoretically favor sincere Christians, but now are down with a guy who had never publicly mentioned God, but now at an evangelical rally holds a Bible high, declaring, “Nobody reads the Bible more than I do.”  He quotes his favorite book, “Two Corinthians.” 

Values; shmalues … it’s his improbable promises and unpredictability supporters love. Besides, they know his caustically-divisive, bully personality will change immediately after election. These days that’s called “chameleon” or “sociopath,” but in my day it was simply “two-faced.”

In their defense though, it has certainly worked for battered fiancées saying, “He’ll change right after the wedding. He promised to be ‘the most husbandly husband’ I’ve ever seen.”

We trust our sports legends, and endorsements from famously-unhinged ex-athletes pour in. Ear-biter Mike Tyson and chair-throwing Bobby Knight helped Trump win Indiana, the very state where Tyson was convicted of rape. Reform party ex-wrestler Jesse “the body” Ventura loves him, proving Trump capable of bridging morality divides.

I mean, war veteran Ventura is a voracious foe of water-boarding, even urging retroactive prosecutions. Trump insists he’ll reinstate water-boarding “and a whole lot worse.” One hates torture; one loves torture, yet they come together. Jesse cites all Dick Cheney’s military deferments when calling him a chicken-hawk and a “colossal coward” who loves wars he doesn’t have to fight, but Trump proudly welcomed Cheney’s recent endorsement.

Perhaps the tie that binds is a shared belief that Cheney’s beloved boss, George W., was our worst president ever and outright lied to take us to a disastrous war. I can’t argue with much of that, but most Pubs would be angrily unforgiving of anyone else even suggesting such a thing.

My personal Trump “unforgiveables” are mocking invalids, publicly ridiculing the physical appearances of women, and belittling true war hero, John McCain, for getting captured and tortured.  

True, many GOP heavyweights refuse to support Trump, but almost all washed-up kooks have lined up. Joe the Plumber hasn’t come out yet, but shrill Sarah Palin couldn’t be more obnoxiously enthusiastic, and Donald isn’t too proud to accept the “turncoat contingent.” 

Let’s trace the Republican family tree. Not only is Palin backstabbing the man who rescued her from obscurity (possibly at the expense of his election), but now vows to take down Paul Ryan — the savior her party begged to step in as top guy after turning on speaker John Boehner, who recently called former Tea Party hero, suddenly-hated Ted Cruz, “Lucifer in the flesh.”

I labeled it the “GOP Culture of Cannibalism” — a party that eats its own — when party darling Ann Coulter told loudmouth Sean Hannity during the ’08 primaries, “I’d vote for Hillary before I’d ever vote for McCain” — helping to hand us Barack Obama. They join Herman Cain and vulgar Omerosa (Apprentice’s most hated villainess ever) as Trump-lovers I never respected in the first place. Also, flop-candidate Rick Perry, who called Trump “a cancer on Conservatism” and now wants to be his running mate.

It’s a real balancing act voters face. On one hand there’s rich, entertaining, and at least self-purportedly, well-endowed. On the other hand: brutally-insulting, narcissistic and dangerously thin-skinned. While admirable, he always marries trophy wives, his detestable robotic sons collect trophy heads of exotic, endangered animals.

It’s a coin toss: Heads, Trump dramatically morphs into a humble, gracious leader capable of admitting mistakes and taking advice. Tails, he remains as is, alienates potential Muslim allies, calls German leader Angela Merkel ugly and Kim Jong-Un a midget troll. Then, with finger on button, tells V.P. Rodman, “Hey, they started it!”

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